Looking for a Fight - by Michele Finseth April 20, 2004
A German couple stands at the crosswalk of one of Rome’s busiest thoroughfares, trying to gather the courage to step out. Suddenly an Italian joins them and urges them off the curb saying, “Non si preoccupi” (don’t worry), to the man, “Andiamo insieme.” (we’ll go together). Midway across, a car enters the crosswalk, looking as though it will continue on through, without regard for the pedestrians. Stopping mid-stride the Italian on foot begins shouting (in Roman dialect) then bangs on the hood of the car to make his point. “Che sta di?” (what gives). “Ao’?” (what, are you crazy). The driver gets out of the car and begins gesturing, shouting back nose-to-nose, and arguing, “Ma di che?” (but what). “Ma che sta di?” (what are you saying - it’s not true). Meanwhile, the German couple watches mesmerized for a moment, then realizes they are now at a standstill in a busy intersection and they begin to move away in obvious fear of the escalating confrontation. Reaching the curb they stand for a moment, not sure what to make of the altercation that is now backing traffic up, car horns blaring. With a final wave of annoyance laced with expletives, the driver jumps back into his car, the pedestrian finishes crossing the street, and with a broad smile says to the Germans, “Gli Italiani!” (these Italians)…
Italians accept confrontation in a busy city as a daily occurrence to be witnessed in every sector of life. Yet their cultural method of dealing with it continues to be an enigma to many an observer, even those with a command of the language. The vitality with which people argue (as well as the language used), is often a precursor to physical combat in other cultures, and the gesticulations, swearing and insults hurled about in Italian confrontations would leave witnesses to think the same was about to occur. Seen through the lenses of other cultures, this brand of aggressive interaction is an invitation to do more than talk, yet resulting brawls rarely occur in Italian culture. Why?<br><br>
This paper seeks to look at confrontation through the eyes of Italian culture in a variety of arenas, and to discuss how language and behavior are interpreted between participants, then to draw conclusions as to why these confrontations seldom escalate beyond a shouting match. Finally also, included will be a brief observation of those rare times when violence does erupt.<br><br>
Despite the numerous dialects that continue to prevail since Italy’s unification in 1870, certain continuity can be observed in the social norms responsible for its methods of communication in confrontational circumstances. Therefore, while choosing from a repertoire of codees, channels and expressions that shape the form of the message (relative to the speech event), their function is the same. <br><br>
Regardless of the context of interaction, Italians are known the world-over for their gregarious and animated self-expression. As a language of exaggerated gestures, Italian flourishes in cultural antiquity that is said to have originated in the arts. Life is a stage to Italians, born into a culture saturated with performing. Their opera is evidence, as it proceeds from the ancient religious chanting of monks that carried the melodious language. The powers of self-expression, stage presence, and ability to debate are highly valued by parents in the enterprise of rearing children. At the heart of these social behaviors lies the maintenance of a “bella figura”. Originally used to describe Italians’ slavery to fashion, “bella figura” today refers to the importance of making a good impression—above all else! <br><br>
In the endeavor of “looking for a fight”, I examined confrontation between children-children, parents-children, strangers, intimates, those of the academic sector (as panelists on a television discussion), and finally young adults. <br><br>
1. Confrontation between small children can give insight into what they are being taught. On the playground I observed mothers on a bench talking and their children (about 4-5 year olds) playing in the sand, on swings, climbing equipment, and slides. A disagreement erupted between two little girls over the issue of taking turns. One in particular dominated in whatever area she played, and a second child allowed herself to be pushed out of the way at first, but eventually reasoned out loud, “You had your ‘first’ turn last time!” While this continued in all the different parts of the play area, there wasn’t any hitting, and the mothers allowed the disagreement to continue, except in one instance when, the mother of the more aggressive girl held back the second girl (allowing her daughter to go first) stating, “Wait, your turn is next.”
This acceptance (by both sides) of aggressive behavior is said to build stronger character in children. Apologies or admittance of wrongdoing shows weakness, but yet is not seen as a vehicle for producing bullies. <br><br>
2. Reproach is not saved to be applied in private between parent and child, as I discovered when I walked into our neighborhood grocery to hear the mother giving her son (who had been stocking the shelves) a tongue-lashing. She spared no words in telling him how stupid, careless and lazy she thought he was. “You (swear word) idiot,” she bellowed, “where did you get your education?” Waving her finger in his face she said, “Take every one of these labels off!” (apparently he’d mismarked merchandise). “You’re so (more swearing) lazy…you can find your pasta somewhere else tonight!”
Her tirade continued through checking out customers, and he never responded, though she continued to berate him, saying “You’ll never be able to take over this business—you can’t even mark the goods correctly!”
The anomalous relationship between the mothers and sons of Italy is notorious and subject enough for another research project, but may it suffice to illustrate it with Italy’s favorite joke that Jesus surely must have been Italian, because he lived at home until his 30’s, thought his mother was a virgin, and she thought he was the Christ—all three are apt characterizations of a deeply abiding relationship suspended in emotional love-hate strife.<br><br>
3. Italians’ erratic approach to driving often provides some very entertaining insights into their paradigm of life. Even they admit that the frantic nature of their overcrowded streets still resembles a chariot race. Since fender-benders are not uncommon, I have compared two incidents: one in which the participants were younger and spoke Roman dialect, and the second involved a businessman (speaking standard Italian), and by appearances, a motorist from a lower class.
In the first incident the female driving a scooter was knocked to the ground and lying under the scooter, and the other motorist (immediately out of his car) was arguing while standing over her. For several moments she made no attempt to get out from beneath the bike, but carried on a shouting match simultaneously with the other driver. She maintained he had cut her off, saying, “I had the right of way and you cut in front of me!” He, in the meantime, argued that she ran into him. Both spoke in the familiar (you) rather than formal (lei). He shot back at her, “Why didn’t you watch where you were going?”
Language use in the second accident was more formal (lei) even though the businessman was livid about the damage to his car, gestured often and used swear words. At the same time, his comments were more aimed at discrediting the other driver in general, rather than discussing the accident. “Do you ALWAYS drive like this?” he asked. “Just what are you going to do about this (swear words) damage?” Defensively, the other driver claimed that the first driver should have let him into the lane, asking, “Have you even heard of (using a hand signal that in Italian means ‘have some patience’)?” In spite of insurance laws that place every driver in an accident at fault, it is highly unusual to see any motorist do less than argue vigorously that it’s the other driver’s fault.<br><br>
4. Confrontation between intimates is not so much seen as heard in our building and neighbors consequently are captive to an argument. Such was the case as I waited for the elevator, and a neighbor (voice elevated) accused her husband of preferring to spend time with his mother instead of her. “If you don’t want to come, then don’t! Go see your (swear word) mother!” In a low and controlled, yet tense voice he responded, “Leave my (same word) mother out of this. Haven’t I done what you wanted? You have everything you need. What do you want?” Her reply was, “Lasciami stare.” (leave me alone).
Arguments between Italian intimates are especially firey, yet relatively seldom result in abuse. Foreigners married to Italians often express with dismay, the frightful things said in the heat of a quarrel that are immediately forgotten by their Italian mate, but leave a lasting impression on the receiver. Also grounds for divorces between Italians and foreigners often cite the inability for foreign mates to live with all the shouting.<br><br>
5. In order to witness confrontation on an academic level in Italy, one only needs to turn on the television. I happened upon a talk show in which a panel was discussing immigration laws. Two immigrant interviewees were giving testimony regarding problems they had encountered with the system: one because he was rejected from military service (on the basis of immigrant status, even though legalized), and the other dealing with refusal of legal immigration for a marriage of convenience. The panel disintegrated over whether Italy’s laws were justified and quickly mayhem broke out. Even though using formal Italian, one of the participants inserted dialectical words to make his point, “I disagree—what you’re saying is idiotic.” (”una stupidaggine”). Another participant exclaimed, “There’s been a change between generations in the use of their intelligence” (referring to present lawmakers)…”e una vergogna.” (it is an embarrassment). At that point he walked over and stood over the panelist to whom he was speaking, and they continued arguing. All the other participants were talking, and what they were saying was not discernable, as the moderator was shouting above the other voices trying to take the floor. Angered, the panelist that had been standing walked off the stage, with the moderator apologizing, calling for order and asking him to return!<br><br>
While examples of confrontation without violence are innumerable, their documentation is not meant to imply that brawls never happen. To the contrary—they are most often seen in groups of young adults (especially at soccer matches). The contradiction of pre-fight language became clear to me in an incident with my husband and a work colleague, who were standing in a fast-food line, when a young man walked up and took his place in line directly in front of them. Before they could protest, he turned, glared without blinking and said in a menacing voice, “Qualcosa non va?” (literally translated, it means is something wrong). Never spoken loudly, no gesturing, but low and threatening, these are the words that warn the receiver that one word of response, and there will be a fight. One need not fear when Italians are noisy; it is when they become quiet that there is reason for concern!<br><br>
A cross-comparison of these situations reveals a common and overt impulse on the part of participants to articulate their feelings regarding what is happening. There appears to be a felt obligation to respond, and do so vigorously (even in the case of children on the playground). The only exception occurred when there was truly a threat of violence. This knee-jerk reaction can be seen as Italians’ character conditioned by “campanilismo”, a term originating when “Italy” was but a number of small independent states, made up of numerous small towns and villages. Each proudly erected their own “campanile” (bell tower), and “campanilsmo” came to mean the love of one’s native town. It is with great pride that even today, an Italian will tell you the exact region from which he/she comes, rather than their country. This history of independence is the driving force behind the felt rights and obligations to express one’s individualism without fear of reprisal. <br><br>
A second piece to the right of free speech is that of catharsis. The energy used to express participants’ feelings serves as a release, removing the desire for further action. The socially accepted limit to self-expression can be found in one’s ability to blow off steam (through raised voices, exaggerated gestures, swearing and insulting the momentary adversary) without the necessity of carrying it any further. Hostilities are vented so effectively that all is forgotten shortly and people seldom exhibit the volcanic eruptions seen in other cultures. In the heat of an argument all the participants are yelling and gesturing at the same time, no effort is being made to hear the others, no one apologizes, and no energy is put forth to reach compromise or solution. This leaves all participants in a perceived winning position as no one takes responsibility, all reserve the right to express themselves, and no one must make changes or amends as a result of the confrontation.<br><br>
Finally, returning to the issue of the “bella figura”, despite outward appearances, every participant felt a distinct concern for how they would be seen in the public eye (except the case of the children who hadn’t learned this yet). While this may seem a paradox in some of the cases, in a confrontational situation (even if bad language is used or behavior is perceived as rude), the ultimate motive is seen in the drive to hold all the power, showing oneself to be right, and never back down—this is a “bella figura”!<br><br>
Things are seldom as they seem. This can certainly be said of the chaotic appearance of life in Italian culture. Perhaps this is why Mussolini once stated that it wasn’t impossible to govern Italians… just merely useless! Yet surprisingly the fact that Italians decidedly devote an immense measure of energy (catharsis) to express themselves so vigorously, fear no retribution (”campanilismo”), and exit a confrontation feeling they have maintained a “bella figura” in the process, tells the outside world that there really is a semblance of order that underlies it all, and language simply serves to spell it out. Ah, that’s why they exclaim, ” E la dolce vita!”(it’s the sweet life).